A failed novelist

A journal entry I read the other day stated that my novel would be completed by October 2007. That was a full two years ago and a mere two months before I would welcome a then 5-year-old little boy into my life and home. I just haven't found it within myself to finish that darn book. I think it's a good story and I am not saying we have no future together. But, our future together looks distant. This seems like a good activity for one who loves to write, and has many random thoughts, but little time and even less ability to make a serious committment.

My family is Shawn (40), Leon (7), Anna (5), and Abby the dog (8ish). Abby greets Shawn every evening when he gets home with the feverish intensity of a creature left in the desert being handed an iced glass of Gatorade. This is a complete mystery, because he pats her on the head exactly one time daily.

We are about one month into the school year and my major worry is really my only worry: the social strata of the public school system. My son seems to be drawn to overbearing, bullyish girls. My daughter is very shy and only truly comfortable around a handful of people in the world. I steel myself every day when I drop them off and pray that no one will be cruel to them. I waited all summer for them to be separated and now I just want to keep them in the same room together for protection. I am learning that the onion analogy can by applied to parenting: as soon as you feel like you have something, anything, about this journey figured out, another layer peels back and you feel raw and tearful. Shawn reminds me every day that all we can do is provide them with a secure, loving home to return to each day, no matter what happens outside these walls. He's right. But, we also pray for their protection (and I do a little social coaching in the ear when no one is looking...there has to be some benefit to having a social butterfly for a mother).

In news of the unborn: I love being pregnant! My family thinks it's really funny that I start yawning at 5pm and that I have to pee every 20 minutes. It's terrific. Assuming fetal cooperation, we will find out on October 14th whether we will be graced with a baby girl or boy. Either one will be treasured. Till next time...