Our goals for 2015...

Youngest to oldest

Alexandra: stop nursing by age 2 (no more "nuk")

Christian: wrestle Dad down to Chinatown AND learn to ride a bike without training wheels

Anna:Invite Tiffany to activity days and get multiplication and typing down.

Leon: Save money to buy a new bike by my 13th birthday!

Andrea: True to form, I have a bunch - for this entry, I will list only a few. I want to learn to play the guitar (practice at least 4 times per week), run a half, run in the relay, and have a certain amount of money in savings by the end of the year. I won't disclose that amount here, but I have it in my little mind.

Shawn: Reach my goal weight by my birthday (May 29), and maintain it for the rest of my life, or at least till Dec 2015.

Ok...here we go...new plan

I have had such a weird relationship with this blogging concept. It seems a perfect outlet for someone like me who loves to write and has no need for privacy. But, it's also self-centered and somewhat self-aggrandizing. I do love the idea that my family will forever be able to click on this site and get a glimpse into my mind and our frenetic life. I have a new idea: this is truly going to become a family blog. The kids are going to have access and be able to post their thoughts, experiences, and pictures. Hoping this catches on like wildfire.

Here's a funny story to kick us off:
Christian recently asked Shawn what suffering means. He assumed that it meant to die. Shawn explained that you could suffer by breaking your arm, losing a friend, etc. Christian thought about this for a moment, and then said, "I been suffering my whole life." These are a few recent shots of that poor little urchin and his siblings.

A lesson in trust

It's been a long, glorious summer, stretched out with lots of park trips and berry-picking. Life at home with four children has both charmed and aggravated me, usually both within the space of an hour. I marveled this morning as my oldest son prattled on about his latest reading adventure, for what seemed like a year, that this is the only time in his life where he and I will spend this much time together. He turns 11 next month and I know the days are coming when I will be replaced by friends. Ok, right now I am really HOPING that will happen soon, but I know I will be wistful when it does. Baby Alexandra was born back on June 6th, under some pretty harrowing circumstances. She is starting to become aware of all the sights and noises around her - no signs of horror can be detected, yet. In time, she will blend into this chaos as surely as Christian did. I know that many of our family and friends have wondered - how did they come to have a 4th child? They seemed overwhelmed with 3. That's a good question. I only know from the experience so far, that she is supposed to be with us. As a social worker, I have cried and raged about why children are born to people who harm them. I still don't have an answer to that question and I probably never will. But, I know that this baby girl was meant for us. After Christian was born, Shawn pronounced himself content and suggested that we shut off the baby-making valves. Our two biological children had been difficult and expensive to conceive. Adopting hadn't proved to be a picnic, either. So, Shawn's feelings made sense, and I (mostly) agreed. Something about another daughter nagged at me. I told myself that Anna would always get to be our special princess, and that I was blessed to have had the privilege of experiencing pregnancy twice. I decided to worry about other things, of which there are always plenty to choose from. As Christian neared the age of 2 and Shawn turned 42, it seemed VERY logical that we proceed full-speed ahead with our family the way it was. It was about that time that I started consulting God about the issue. My prayers were usually accompanied by this feeling of openness...like it was a question that we would need to revisit in the future. Anyone that's experienced infertility can tell you that this is the worst possible answer. I wasn't having baby cravings. In fact, I felt pretty happy and smug when I held a baby, and then got to hand it back to the owner. I shed the extra weight, took up a couple new hobbies, got a promotion at work...and felt good to go. This next part is hard to describe, but it's absolutely true. As Shawn and I knelt by the bed each night for prayer (yes, we really do that), I had the impression, on several occasions, of a little girl with bouncy dark curls, running through our door. I didn't see or hear her, it was just a feeling. I didn't share this with Shawn, because I thought he would slip me some medication. Sometime in the summer of 2012, we attended the temple together and I again prayed about this issue, wanting some closure around it. I felt a strong impression that we should cease and desist all baby-making prohibitors, and just let the future unfold before us. Keep in mind that Shawn and I had been married for almost 15 years to this point and never experienced a spontaneous pregnancy. It might sound strange, but I really didn't consider it possible that I would become pregnant. Well, about 2 months went by and you know what happened somewhere in between... Now, as this newborn adjustment sometimes makes me want to scream/cry/eat/use a narcotic, I look back and rely on those experiences as a testament that this was no accident. I both feel and know that God has a plan for my family. These little people are in my care for a reason, heaven help them. Now, as for a fifth child? So far: not happening.

Are You Judging Me?

I had the opportunity this past weekend to attend a conference for my church. It was made up of several meetings, but the one I most enjoyed occurred on Saturday evening and was open only to adults. This is always one of my favorite meetings. A leader in our church spoke about a woman that he had been called to serve, and that had been a burden in his life. She was needy, discouraged, depressed, and lonely. He shared some of her struggles and the ways in which he had been directed by God to bless her. He said that she taught him an important lesson: that the people around her had been made better for having served her. The struggles of our brothers and sisters can become opportunities for us to grow if we can learn to see it that way.

I squirmed in my seat a little during this talk, mostly because I was feeling humbled and chastised. I would consider myself to be outwardly kind, interested in those around me, and eager to help. But, at my very core, I can sometimes (frequently) be stingy, selfish, and harsh in my opinion of others. You might think that someone who had chosen social work as a profession and practiced it for the past 13 years might be more immune to such feelings, but guess again. I realize this is a part of us all, but I think that the Lord really wants to change it in me. In fact, I have felt nudged and reminded about it quite a bit lately. What exactly do I need to change? A few thoughts –

1.      Helping others, when I can, without murmuring about the time it’s taking away from other pursuits.

2.      Being open to fully empathize with other’s joys and challenges, without immediately seeking some connection to myself.

3.      Giving and expressing love freely, without thought of how it will be received or whether the other person “deserves it.”

There you have it – some new, lofty goals. Next time we have a conversation, and you see my eyes get a little narrow or glazed, be sure to ask: “Are you judging me?” and help me get back on track.

Summer 2012 - already eventful

Recommitted to more frequent posting - for the sake of my posterity....
It's summertime in Oregon and we are off and running already. Here's some highlights:

*In May, I flew to Boston to be with my sister as she received her PhD! I am so very proud of her and it was great to mingle with some of our relations.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10150911168724578&set=t.712643119&type=3&theater



*As of June 3rd, my seminary class graduated and I got my night life back. I do miss those kids, but I don't miss getting up at 5:30 every morning. I am currently reading Jesus the Christ in preparation for teaching the New Testament in the Fall. I will be taking on the incoming Freshman class. I am prepared to crack the whip.

*Leon completed 3rd grade and Anna completed 2nd grade on June 12th. Measured in grade levels, the elementary years are passing quickly. Leon participated in the Country Kids Relay on June 2nd and booked it around the track for his leg. We were very proud. Later that day, both kids participated in their annual dance recital. It was beautiful. A big thanks to the Jackson and Lee families for joining us.

*On June 15th, I participated in my 2nd EPIC relay. Most fun I've had all year (with the exception of skydiving in April). I can't say enough about the impact that running has had on my life. I never thought I would be a distance runner. But, here I am, and I LOVE it. It's a spiritual experience for me. I love my relay team and all the crazy moments of this entire endeavor: 12 people, 2 vans, 187 miles, staying up all night, the steady ring of the cowbell in your ears...

http://inthehundredacrewood.blogspot.com/2012/06/band-on-run-most-epic-adventure.html?spref=fb

*We went camping this past weekend at Tumalo State Park. This was our 2nd time there and we really like it. The kids did 2 hikes: one at Smith Rock and one at the Lava Caves. Yes, there was some complaining, but they really did pretty well. I took no pictures! Nice going, mom.

*Finally (for now), I have begun a new musical endeavor: to become part of the Salem live music scene. I am working with a band that's just getting started, doing some lead and backing vocals. Lisa and I are going to start with a couple open-mic nights and go from there. I am excited about this because music is so essential to my happiness. Here's a clip from our very first meeting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_VH7NiU_3U

The Art of Sitting s...t...i...l...l

What do you do when you have a spare moment? I mean, exactly one or two moments. I tend to immediately grab my phone and check for a new text message. If my phone isn't handy, I focus on pushing my cuticles down.

I was helping my son with homework the other day when he stood up to get something from another room. He asked me to wait, so I remained seated. My instinct was to hop up and find something to occupy my hands, even for those 45 seconds, because they shouldn't be wasted. But I didn't. I paused, stilled my hands, and looked out the window. One moment of repose. It was lovely. My mind was clear when my son returned and we were able to resume his homework. That started me thinking...why I am so uncomfortable sitting still?

It's not just me. Look around next time you are in public. Do you see anyone just sitting? My personal theory is that to be completely still is to appear unimportant or lazy. We place a great premium these days on being productive, efficient, and in high-demand.

I have decided to start a counter-movement: who can be the most relaxed, unattached, and idle? Take a moment and just...

be.

Disney trip 2011

Christmas Greetings 2011

Croskeys love to bicker, make fun of each other, and engage in family wrestling matches. But, we end every day with a prayer and “I love you.” That has to count for something, right?

Helping our family remain financially afloat, Shawn continues to work at Polk County Mental Health and LDS Family Services. He is seeking to heal the world, one person at a time. He will soon move to the West Salem office and be close enough to visit home for lunch. Hooray!

Running the kids all over town is something we do a lot! Anna takes Ballet and piano lessons. Leon takes Hip Hop and attends Cub Scout. The kids are always prepared, on time, and cheerful about each activity!

I take the money for all those activities out of their college/used car/travel/clothing/food fund.

Scampering around the house, making messes, and repeating everything we say is the specialty of little Christian. He is 21 months old!

Tearing down the sidewalks of West Salem at breakneck speeds has become a recent hobby of mine. I participated in a relay and sprint triathlon earlier this year.

Making the bed is first battle that Anna and I engage in and the ball rolls from there. Anna is a careful student, artful negotiator, and comical performance artist around our house.

Always looking to be helpful, Leon is gaining maturity right before our very eyes. We depend on him for a lot of help. His mouth is very mature, so sometimes he gets in trouble for sassiness.

Some really lucky (and broke) adults in our house got to spend a week in Hawaii this past October. We quickly realized why it’s such a popular destination. Thanks Alice for keeping the kids!



This year and every year, our family has been incredibly blessed by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We find joy and peace in His teachings, and we try to spread his love to everyone around us. Thank you for being part of our lives!

Love, the Croskey family

Did this really happen???

So much has occurred in three weeks since we've been home, that it's hard to believe we ever went to Hawaii. But, we did! Here's the proof...

summer so far

This summer is going well so far. It started with an awesome relay from Portland to Eugene. There were 12 people on our team. The highlights for me were running 5.25 miles at 3am down a highway outside of Corvallis (without an ipod and while having to pee) and crossing the finish line for my team after 36 hours. Can't wait to do it again next year. I never thought I would be a runner, but here I am.
Leon participated in cub scout camp, which was so good for his confidence. Both kids attended YMCA day camp last week. I was expecting tears and anxiety from Anna, but she grew a pair (of ovaries) and handled it like a woman. They got to have lots of adventures, including riding in a canoe for the first time. My heart swells with joy when I see my children experiencing the world and rising to new challenges.
They are FULL of ideas and opinions. Leon's pet phrases right now are "seriously?" and "what the heck?" Anna's is "I have a theory or hypothesis about that."
Christian? Well, he's finally walking (when he deems it convenient) and saying many words. My favorites are "car!" and "outside!"
Coming up in August: camping, a visit to Austin for baby and I, and Sacramento for mama and the kids. That will take us right into the school year. Whew! I will have very mixed feelings.
The break from seminary has been great, but I miss the spiritual grounding and focus that it provides in my life. In fact, it's time to get that back...

The kids have recently discovered "The Cosby Show." You remember them - Cliff, Claire, and their five kids? Two successful black people living a typical family existence...this was my fantasy family when I was growing up. Two of the children had fair skin, the rest, deep brown. It was a periodic topic of discussion amidst my playground friends. How was that possible? It was particularly interesting to a little brown girl growing up in a house with white people.

Fast forward 25 years. We've got a checkerboard of people living under one roof. We've had some interesting discussions about race, with many more to come, I am sure. Here was today's, while watching the Cosbys:
Anna: "Mom, they have a white daughter, too (speaking of fair-skinned Denise)."
Me: "Oh no, honey, she's black. Her parents are black, so she is black. Her skin is just light."
Anna: "Oh. I'm black, too, right?"
Mom: "Yep. You sure are. You have one black parent and one white parent. That means you are a little of both. Just like me."

I was left to wonder: what does this mean to my little blue-eyed daughter? I hope that it will mean the same for her that it has come to mean for me, that people are the sum of their thoughts and actions, not their genetic inheritance. I hope it will mean that she moves through the world with comfort and confidence, happy to meet and experience those that cross her path. Thank you, Cosbys, for the laughs and the continuing education.

Meet Kosma - my Ukranian foster son

Do you know what it's like to have a child who bears no resemblance to you? I mean, not even a hint that you share biology? If you didn't know me, and I showed you this picture, I could tell you that I picked up this child up in a Ukranian orphanage and you would be none the wiser. I'm fairly certain I gave birth to him. He's absolutely adorable...but I get no credit. Carry on Kosma!

What a crummy blogger!

This is supposed to be a detailed, accurate account of the happenings at Chez Croskey! I am re-committing myself as of NOW. As I type, it's a Friday night and my poor husband is working until 9pm. The kids and I ate dinner at 5pm, which I found depressing. The kids are watching "Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo." If you haven't seen it recently, you are missing out.

Shawn and I have new church gigs. He was ordained a High Priest last week and we are waiting to see exactly what new challenges lay in store for him. I have been teaching early-morning Seminary for about a month. It's so rewarding to HAVE to study the scriptures every day. I love my students. I don't love going to bed at 10pm (10:30 at the latest) during the week, but I knew I would have to grow up sometime.

Here's some pics of our trip to Seaside last weekend. We had a great time with the Lee and Jackson families. They are just about enough to make a girl want to stay in Oregon for life.

Miracles

We've been talking in Primary this month about miracles performed by Jesus Christ. It's caused me to reflect on some of the miracles that have taken place in my adult life. Shawn and I met almost 15 years ago, while working at Village Inn in Tempe, Arizona. He was apparently struck by my beauty (and who can blame him?). He stalked my car and decided to ask me out, even though he saw a Gloria Estefan tape on my dashboard. We had about 2 weeks to meet, go out, and become inseperable, because Shawn was fired from Village Inn for giving a friend a free glass of orange juice. There are many more details to this story and I will bore you with them, if requested.

There's no way that Shawn would have considered marrying me, had I not joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He was in love with me (and who can blame him?), but his committment to the church was unshakeable. I had no intention of joining the church, but talked to the missionaries more out of curiousity than anything. When I prayed to know whether the Book of Mormon was true, the witness I received was undeniable. I have never turned back and my life has been immeasruably blessed by that decision.

Our efforts to start a family were futile for several years. It became a daily struggle to keep going, keep fighting, keep paying, and keep praying to have this dream become a reality. There were so many times that I wanted to give up. I remember the day, about 3.5 years after starting the journey, that we saw a little heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor. It was an amazing moment. It's just gotten better over the years, even though she is the most willful, emotional, argumentative child I have ever known.

We were considered moving to California and received a very strong answer to our prayer about it: NO! We were flummoxed as to why the Lord would care about where we lived. We had no idea why we needed to stay in AZ, but we went with it. About a week after this prayer, I started working with the woman who would eventually lead us to Leon. Though adopting our sweet boy has not been without trials, I believe strongly that he was always meant for our family.

Prayers and pleading for Christian started when Anna was a little over a year old. Now here he is! All approximately 18-20 pounds of him! I have no idea why my life has been so blessed, but I am grateful for it, and my ability to recognize it.

Tell me about your miracles.

718 days of summer

I'll be honest...the 1st two or three days of summer were depressing for me. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around the fact that my energetic, VERY chatty, contrary children were going to be in my care ALL the time. So, now that's down to the final month, I have actually felt the slight hints of sadness that come with the beginning of fall. Am I sad enough to let them stay up past their bedtime? No! Here are a few highlights of our adventures so far.

He wants to be one of them already.

Maybe by the time he is old enough to want to murder me for this, the blog will be lost in cyberspace. Please forgive me, son, I couldn't resist.

My favorite part to wash is underneath his chin. It's all squishy and plush!

Anna with one of her idols.

This is what happens when your mother is too cheap to pay your admission into the petting zoo.

My big kids at the California State Fair!

When you gonna feed me some ribs?

OMH

What do I think of my first two months as a mother of three? In honor of my Utah friends, I share this phrase: Oh My Heck!

I would like to report that I am generally on top of things and that I shower before 2pm every day, but I can't. I am so sleep-deprived that I hallucinate extra family members at times. Shawn calls these companions my "shadow people." I am at a loss for words, not eloquent words, just words like "table" and "carpet." It turns out that sleep is necessary to maintain a vocabulary and the ability to drive. My kids are getting used to phrases like, "You'll have to do that yourself", "You're going to have to wait for that", and "I can't hear you when the baby is screaming in my ear." I am getting used to the two rolls of fat that refuse to leave my abdomen. Do you think the half-bag of pita chips I just consumed has anything to do with that?

Motherhood is a marathan. Dinner and flowers are great, but here is what you should do for a mother who is still raising her children: grab her gently by the shoulders and give her a little shake. Look her in the eyes and tell her that she is smarter than her children and that she can do it! Give her a pat on the butt and send her back into the trenches with a fistful of chocolate.

Christian is my little slice of heaven. Shawn gave him a blessing yesterday at church, which was so beautiful. I am so thankful for a kind, dutiful husband that holds the Priesthood. I have had to fight and beg for each one of my children and they have all been worth it.

So, where's my chocolate?