A lesson in trust

It's been a long, glorious summer, stretched out with lots of park trips and berry-picking. Life at home with four children has both charmed and aggravated me, usually both within the space of an hour. I marveled this morning as my oldest son prattled on about his latest reading adventure, for what seemed like a year, that this is the only time in his life where he and I will spend this much time together. He turns 11 next month and I know the days are coming when I will be replaced by friends. Ok, right now I am really HOPING that will happen soon, but I know I will be wistful when it does. Baby Alexandra was born back on June 6th, under some pretty harrowing circumstances. She is starting to become aware of all the sights and noises around her - no signs of horror can be detected, yet. In time, she will blend into this chaos as surely as Christian did. I know that many of our family and friends have wondered - how did they come to have a 4th child? They seemed overwhelmed with 3. That's a good question. I only know from the experience so far, that she is supposed to be with us. As a social worker, I have cried and raged about why children are born to people who harm them. I still don't have an answer to that question and I probably never will. But, I know that this baby girl was meant for us. After Christian was born, Shawn pronounced himself content and suggested that we shut off the baby-making valves. Our two biological children had been difficult and expensive to conceive. Adopting hadn't proved to be a picnic, either. So, Shawn's feelings made sense, and I (mostly) agreed. Something about another daughter nagged at me. I told myself that Anna would always get to be our special princess, and that I was blessed to have had the privilege of experiencing pregnancy twice. I decided to worry about other things, of which there are always plenty to choose from. As Christian neared the age of 2 and Shawn turned 42, it seemed VERY logical that we proceed full-speed ahead with our family the way it was. It was about that time that I started consulting God about the issue. My prayers were usually accompanied by this feeling of openness...like it was a question that we would need to revisit in the future. Anyone that's experienced infertility can tell you that this is the worst possible answer. I wasn't having baby cravings. In fact, I felt pretty happy and smug when I held a baby, and then got to hand it back to the owner. I shed the extra weight, took up a couple new hobbies, got a promotion at work...and felt good to go. This next part is hard to describe, but it's absolutely true. As Shawn and I knelt by the bed each night for prayer (yes, we really do that), I had the impression, on several occasions, of a little girl with bouncy dark curls, running through our door. I didn't see or hear her, it was just a feeling. I didn't share this with Shawn, because I thought he would slip me some medication. Sometime in the summer of 2012, we attended the temple together and I again prayed about this issue, wanting some closure around it. I felt a strong impression that we should cease and desist all baby-making prohibitors, and just let the future unfold before us. Keep in mind that Shawn and I had been married for almost 15 years to this point and never experienced a spontaneous pregnancy. It might sound strange, but I really didn't consider it possible that I would become pregnant. Well, about 2 months went by and you know what happened somewhere in between... Now, as this newborn adjustment sometimes makes me want to scream/cry/eat/use a narcotic, I look back and rely on those experiences as a testament that this was no accident. I both feel and know that God has a plan for my family. These little people are in my care for a reason, heaven help them. Now, as for a fifth child? So far: not happening.

Are You Judging Me?

I had the opportunity this past weekend to attend a conference for my church. It was made up of several meetings, but the one I most enjoyed occurred on Saturday evening and was open only to adults. This is always one of my favorite meetings. A leader in our church spoke about a woman that he had been called to serve, and that had been a burden in his life. She was needy, discouraged, depressed, and lonely. He shared some of her struggles and the ways in which he had been directed by God to bless her. He said that she taught him an important lesson: that the people around her had been made better for having served her. The struggles of our brothers and sisters can become opportunities for us to grow if we can learn to see it that way.

I squirmed in my seat a little during this talk, mostly because I was feeling humbled and chastised. I would consider myself to be outwardly kind, interested in those around me, and eager to help. But, at my very core, I can sometimes (frequently) be stingy, selfish, and harsh in my opinion of others. You might think that someone who had chosen social work as a profession and practiced it for the past 13 years might be more immune to such feelings, but guess again. I realize this is a part of us all, but I think that the Lord really wants to change it in me. In fact, I have felt nudged and reminded about it quite a bit lately. What exactly do I need to change? A few thoughts –

1.      Helping others, when I can, without murmuring about the time it’s taking away from other pursuits.

2.      Being open to fully empathize with other’s joys and challenges, without immediately seeking some connection to myself.

3.      Giving and expressing love freely, without thought of how it will be received or whether the other person “deserves it.”

There you have it – some new, lofty goals. Next time we have a conversation, and you see my eyes get a little narrow or glazed, be sure to ask: “Are you judging me?” and help me get back on track.

Summer 2012 - already eventful

Recommitted to more frequent posting - for the sake of my posterity....
It's summertime in Oregon and we are off and running already. Here's some highlights:

*In May, I flew to Boston to be with my sister as she received her PhD! I am so very proud of her and it was great to mingle with some of our relations.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10150911168724578&set=t.712643119&type=3&theater



*As of June 3rd, my seminary class graduated and I got my night life back. I do miss those kids, but I don't miss getting up at 5:30 every morning. I am currently reading Jesus the Christ in preparation for teaching the New Testament in the Fall. I will be taking on the incoming Freshman class. I am prepared to crack the whip.

*Leon completed 3rd grade and Anna completed 2nd grade on June 12th. Measured in grade levels, the elementary years are passing quickly. Leon participated in the Country Kids Relay on June 2nd and booked it around the track for his leg. We were very proud. Later that day, both kids participated in their annual dance recital. It was beautiful. A big thanks to the Jackson and Lee families for joining us.

*On June 15th, I participated in my 2nd EPIC relay. Most fun I've had all year (with the exception of skydiving in April). I can't say enough about the impact that running has had on my life. I never thought I would be a distance runner. But, here I am, and I LOVE it. It's a spiritual experience for me. I love my relay team and all the crazy moments of this entire endeavor: 12 people, 2 vans, 187 miles, staying up all night, the steady ring of the cowbell in your ears...

http://inthehundredacrewood.blogspot.com/2012/06/band-on-run-most-epic-adventure.html?spref=fb

*We went camping this past weekend at Tumalo State Park. This was our 2nd time there and we really like it. The kids did 2 hikes: one at Smith Rock and one at the Lava Caves. Yes, there was some complaining, but they really did pretty well. I took no pictures! Nice going, mom.

*Finally (for now), I have begun a new musical endeavor: to become part of the Salem live music scene. I am working with a band that's just getting started, doing some lead and backing vocals. Lisa and I are going to start with a couple open-mic nights and go from there. I am excited about this because music is so essential to my happiness. Here's a clip from our very first meeting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_VH7NiU_3U

The Art of Sitting s...t...i...l...l

What do you do when you have a spare moment? I mean, exactly one or two moments. I tend to immediately grab my phone and check for a new text message. If my phone isn't handy, I focus on pushing my cuticles down.

I was helping my son with homework the other day when he stood up to get something from another room. He asked me to wait, so I remained seated. My instinct was to hop up and find something to occupy my hands, even for those 45 seconds, because they shouldn't be wasted. But I didn't. I paused, stilled my hands, and looked out the window. One moment of repose. It was lovely. My mind was clear when my son returned and we were able to resume his homework. That started me thinking...why I am so uncomfortable sitting still?

It's not just me. Look around next time you are in public. Do you see anyone just sitting? My personal theory is that to be completely still is to appear unimportant or lazy. We place a great premium these days on being productive, efficient, and in high-demand.

I have decided to start a counter-movement: who can be the most relaxed, unattached, and idle? Take a moment and just...

be.

Disney trip 2011

Christmas Greetings 2011

Croskeys love to bicker, make fun of each other, and engage in family wrestling matches. But, we end every day with a prayer and “I love you.” That has to count for something, right?

Helping our family remain financially afloat, Shawn continues to work at Polk County Mental Health and LDS Family Services. He is seeking to heal the world, one person at a time. He will soon move to the West Salem office and be close enough to visit home for lunch. Hooray!

Running the kids all over town is something we do a lot! Anna takes Ballet and piano lessons. Leon takes Hip Hop and attends Cub Scout. The kids are always prepared, on time, and cheerful about each activity!

I take the money for all those activities out of their college/used car/travel/clothing/food fund.

Scampering around the house, making messes, and repeating everything we say is the specialty of little Christian. He is 21 months old!

Tearing down the sidewalks of West Salem at breakneck speeds has become a recent hobby of mine. I participated in a relay and sprint triathlon earlier this year.

Making the bed is first battle that Anna and I engage in and the ball rolls from there. Anna is a careful student, artful negotiator, and comical performance artist around our house.

Always looking to be helpful, Leon is gaining maturity right before our very eyes. We depend on him for a lot of help. His mouth is very mature, so sometimes he gets in trouble for sassiness.

Some really lucky (and broke) adults in our house got to spend a week in Hawaii this past October. We quickly realized why it’s such a popular destination. Thanks Alice for keeping the kids!



This year and every year, our family has been incredibly blessed by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We find joy and peace in His teachings, and we try to spread his love to everyone around us. Thank you for being part of our lives!

Love, the Croskey family

Did this really happen???

So much has occurred in three weeks since we've been home, that it's hard to believe we ever went to Hawaii. But, we did! Here's the proof...